Whether you are first getting to know a guy, or are in a relationship with one, there will be moments that will… shall we say… try your nerves.
Whether you are first getting to know a guy, or are in a relationship with one, there will be moments that will… shall we say… try your nerves.
He forgets where his car is in the parking garage, and it takes an hour to locate it. You go over to his place to go out in his area. He asks you to come over at a time when he’ll have finished packing. You arrive and wait several hours – he underestimated the time it would take. You’re meeting his best friends from college. He falls back into frat boy mode and gets completely trashed. You spend a significant part of the evening avoiding trouble with Mr. Drunk & Co. You have to cut the night short when he falls ill in order to help his sloppy, puking self get home. He asks what you want for your birthday, and you tell him you want to go to the Beyonce concert. He promises take care of it. He procrastinates and the tickets, of course, sell out. Some idiot in the club drops a bottle on your foot. Ouch! Your date chivalrously carries you in his arms out of there and into his car. Crying and bleeding, you’re looking forward to resting your feet. His car stalls and it takes over an hour to jump-start it.
When a girl and guy get together with romantic intentions, they become a team. This team may be a loose alliance of shared interests — on a first date, for example. Or it may be one of commitment, support and interconnectedness — as in a relationship. In a team situation, how each of the members reacts to difficulties makes a difference, not only in how well the team does, but in how bonded the team feels. Team players should have each others’ backs, within reason. We all have lapses of judgment, memory, and responsibility. And, sometimes, we just have bad luck.
Whines: it’s taking so long to find his car; she doesn’t have time for this as she’s late; she doesn’t like that this is happening, not one bit. Moans about how uncomfortable her shoes are, how tired she is, and how it’s so hot/cold. She is suffering, ugh. She deserves soooo much better. He should be grateful she’s even here! Bitches that she always remembers where she parked her car, he should have known the tickets would sell out, and grown-ups shouldn’t get wasted like 21-year-olds. She nags because he deserves it, and well, how else will he learn that he can’t pull that sh*t?
Reframes her mind to look at it from his perspective: Does he mean well, but just made an honest mistake? Is he genuinely trying to makes things OK? Is she stressing out over nothing? Is it that big of a deal? Lets him try to figure it out at first. Doesn’t interrupt his train of thought with complaints or a barrage of suggestions. Doesn’t lecture or mother him, telling him what to do. Men are perfectly capable of making decisions based on their experience. However, she gently helps him if he asks for it. She suggests ideas if he seems to reach an impasse about what to do. Quietly supports him. Remains courteous and polite throughout, like a classy girl would. If he gets upset or angry, she lets him vent without taking it personally. If he seems embarassed, she tries to reframe the situation so that it’s about the issue, not about him.
A girl who can be a good sport about small and not-so-small lapses shows that she is a team player. She is a good “partner in crimeâ€, and, possibly, life. She is sweet and pleasant to be around, even when things go bad. She is flexible and can go with the flow. Her serenity may even have a calming influence on him. And she is loyal: staying on his side, even when he may have messed up a little. A girl like this gets extra points. She is a girl who seems like she could be easy to be with in the long run.